The Hand I Was Dealt: An Essay on Acceptance

By Haven Duddy

This essay is about acceptance - understanding the circumstances we're given and how meaning, perspective, and emotional clarity shape the way we move through our lives.

You know what I've realized?

That every terrible thing that has ever happened to me - every moment I thought would break me - somehow became the thing that built me.

Not because I wanted it.

Not because it was fair.

Not because hardship is noble.

But because it was the hand I was dealt.

And I learned how to play it.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is something people say too easily, but it's also true in the quietest, most complicated way.

Pain doesn't just make you tougher - it rewires you.

It sharpens certain places and softens others.

It wakes you up to things you never wanted to see and gives you tools you never thought you'd need.

Now I'm a mother trying to give my children a better life - and I do.

I give them more than I had.

I try to show them perspective.

I try to tell them "Mommy didn't grow up like this" and they roll their eyes because they think I'm making it about me.

But I'm not.

I'm trying to give them context.

Because the truth is this:

They will never have my perspective.

Just like I will never have theirs.

Their childhood is different than mine - safer, softer, easier in some places, harder in others.

And that's the past most people don't talk about:

A good childhood creates its own challenges.

A difficult childhood creates different ones.

There is no way out of this.

Life hands you what it hands you.

You work with it.

You learn from it.

You get better at the game.

Some people start with nothing and build everything.

Some start with everything and never feel whole.

Most of us are somewhere in between, trying to figure out why we feel the way we do.

There is no "right" hand.

Just the one you've got.

And if you're not happy where you are, you have two choices.

You can put on a smile and pretend this is enough.

Or you can say - even quietly, even slowly -

"I want something different."

But getting from one life to the next?

That part is hard.

Harder than people admit.

You lose versions of yourself.

You outgrow rooms you used to fit inside.

You shed stories you once clung to.

You walk away from things you never imagined leaving.

But it's still your hand.

Your story.

Your life.

And somewhere inside all of that mess - the good and the bad - is the chance to build a life that feels like yours.

That's the hidden heart of all of this.

Not perfection.

Not control.

Not certainty.

Just choosing to make something honest,

true and maybe even beautiful......

from the hand you were dealt.

And here's the other thing I've learned:

It's never too late to start.

If you're reading this, you're still in the game.

You still have time.

Some of us have more than others - that's reality -

but you have this moment, and that's enough to begin.

You're not behind.

You're not too old.

You're not too late.

You're not stuck.

You have time

until the day you don't.

So if something in you wants a different life -

a softer one, a truer one, a braver one -

then this is your permission to take the first step.

Not because you owe the world anything.

But because your life is yours to play.

Your hand is yours to use.

And it is never too late to make something beautiful out of it.