We Are Not Robots: An Essay on Emotional Intelligence

By Haven Duddy

This essay is about emotional intelligence- the reminder that we are human, not machines, and that feeling is not a flaw. It's how we understand ourselves, each other, and the world around us.

What I would really like to say -

and I'm saying this with a laugh

and my hands thrown up

because honestly, what is going on here -

is this:

We are not robots.

We just aren't.

And yes, I know that sounds dramatic.

And obvious.

And ridiculous.

But look around -

half of the world is living like someone told them

the goal of life was to become a tiny, quiet, emotionless machine.

Do the thing.

Be efficient.

Don't feel too much.

Don't ask too many questions.

Don't rock the boat.

Stay in the loop.

Repeat tomorrow.

Come on.

We are not built like that.

We are messy, emotional, complicated, explosive, hilarious, heartbreaking,

beautiful beings

who feel things in colors -

not spreadsheets.

And I know this because of my own story.

When I was a little girl,

I had so many feelings I didn't know where to put them.

Too many.

Too loud.

Too confusing.

And absolutely no one helping me sort them through.

My mom died when I was three.

Just sit with that for a second.

Of course I had too many feelings.

Of course everything was too big.

Of course my insides where a kaleidoscope I didn't

know how to hold.

I was basically the little girl from Inside Out

but without anyone explaining why my colors were spinning

or why some days everything inside me felt dark

and other days everything felt neon and wild.

And here's what happens when a child feels too much

with no support:

She starts dimming.

She shuts down.

She learns to flatten herself

because being "small" feels safer

than being misunderstood.

That little girl in me learned how to go gray.

Robot - gray.

Not because she wanted to -

but because there was no option.

And I carried that into adulthood without even realizing it.

Which is why I feel so strongly when I say:

The part of you that feels "too much"

is the part of you that is actually ALIVE.

Not broken.

Not dramatic.

Not embarrassing.

ALIVE.

If you want a quiet life -

a safe, predictable, nothing - shakes - me - life

you're allowed to choose that.

But don't confuse numbness with peace.

The opposite of overwhelm isn't calm.

It's emptiness.

Robots are empty.

Robots are gray.

Robots don't change.

Robots repeat the same day

over and over

until there's nothing left inside them at all.

But humans?

Humans feel.

Humans glow.

Humans fall apart and come back together.

Humans break open and soften and become deeper.

Humans have COLOR.

And you can't get color

without feeling your feelings.

Even the hard ones.

Especially the hard ones.

If I could go back to that little girl I used to be -

the one who felt everything so intensely

and blamed herself for it -

I would tell her to be strong.

I'd tell her:

"Come on.

You are not crazy.

You are not too much.

This is what being human feels like.

Don't let anyone convince you to shut this off."

Because letting your feelings shut down

is how you slowly turn into the robot version

of yourself -

the one who is functioning,

but not living.

And I don't want that for me.

And I don't want that for you.

So let me just say it the way it comes out of my mouth

most naturally:

I don't want to be a robot.

Do you?

Because here's the twist:

The moment you let yourself feel again -

even a tiny bit -

something in you wakes up.

Color starts coming back.

Your world feels different.

YOU feel different.

And that, right there,

is the beginning of coming back to life.