Your Inner Game: An Essay on Inner Strength

By Haven Duddy

This essay explores inner strength - the private emotional work we do within ourselves, the quiet truths we uncover, the inner clarity that guides how we move through the world.

Before you even start playing the outer game of life -

at some point, it might make sense to just...pause.

Take one minute.

Sit with yourself.

And look at your life as it were your friend's.

Not to judge.

Not to shame.

Not to fix.

Just to observe.

Because the truth is, there is no right or wrong way here.

No correct way.

No perfect move.

Only your inner game - the life you are living from the inside out.

So I'm going to tell you how I play mine.

Not because it's better.

Not because it's the way.

But because it's honest.

And you get to do whatever makes sense for you.

I have always loved beautiful things.

Pretty houses.

Pretty flowers.

Pretty rooms.

Pretty streets.

Pretty light.

Pretty moments.

Beauty does something to me.

It softens me.

It reminds me of love.

It makes my insides feel organized when life isn't.

And because beauty means something to me,

I've always tried to create it in my world.

Not so other people would see it.

But because it helps me feel like myself.

So yes, I like my home to look a certain way.

I like things to line up.

I like when a room feels good.

I like when the world I live in feels a little magical.

Not because I need to be perfect -

but because beauty makes me feel closer to love.

But I didn't start with beauty. I started with hard work.

Like many kids, I had chores.

Except mine weren't light.

I cleaned.

And cleaned.

And cleaned.

Sometimes for days.

Because that was my childhood.

And it was hard.

And it was unfair.

And it took things from me.

But -

and this is the strange part -

when I finished cleaning something,

even something I hated doing,

I felt a spark of worth.

It taught me the lesson that has carried me my while life.

When I work hard, things move.

When I finish something, I feel something.

And that feeling -

that small sense of pride -

was one of the first things that ever felt like love to me.

Of course, I swung the other way later.

When I left that house,

I stopped cleaning for years.

My room was a mess.

My life was a mess.

Everything was chaos.

And that's okay.

That's part of the game.

The best life is a balanced life -

but no one arrives in the middle.

We all overshoot first.

And here's the truth about beautiful lives:

If you want one -

you probably have to work for it.

Not because you don't deserve it.

But because beautiful things -

outer and inner -

usually take tending.

I knew I didn't have anyone who was going to give me the life I wanted.

So I became the one who had to create it.

Work doesn't scare me.

Dreams don't scare me.

Effort doesn't scare me.

But do you know what does scare me?

Sitting down long enough to appreciate the life I've built.

That's the irony of my inner game:

All I ever wanted was a beautiful life -

and the hardest part for me is slowing down enough to love it.

I'm no better than you.

I'm just someone playing my own game

trying to figure out how to live it from the inside out.